Wearing pants should be the law. And if, for some reason you should be without pants... Wear underwear. And if for some reason you are without both? Don't ride the bus. Don't leave your house. And DO NOT BEND OVER!
This seems pretty logical, right? (Insert buzzer noise here). Well, the man on my bus tonight thought a day that called for rain and so-called snow mixture, was a good day to leave the house pant-less. And underwear-less..... At least it gave me a good laugh.
There is less than a week until Christmas, it's "snowing," in Seattle, and everyone just wants to finish the week so they can have their long holiday weekends. A lot of people, including myself, are stressed and busy, which leads to having some Grinch moments. Or Scrooge moments. I'm going to start using "Go Scrooge yourself," or "Scrooge you," thanks to a clever friend who passed that along to me.
Here's my version of a Christmas poem:
Twas the week before Christmas, in the Pacific Northwest, not a Seattleite was driving, because of the "dust."
The "dust" so they say, was snowy and wet, let's cancel school, so they say. Give them their shortest summer yet!
The commuters were running to catch the next bus, while whispers of being home by 6 laughed in their heads! And Crazy man with no pants, and I in my 2 coats, sweater, gloves and PANTS, had just settled down for the long road ahead.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but the the pant-less man bending over and showing his rear!
With a little old driver so lively and quick, he knew in a moment we might soon see his dick! (excuse me on that one, I couldn't pass it up).
And then, in an instant, we made the next stop, and the driver said no good! Your ticket is not!
As I whipped my head round to see him run off, down the street ran no pants man looking lost-er than lost!
So, next time you think you're having a hard time, remember no pants man leaving his pants behind!
Okay, so it's not as good as the original 'twas the night before Christmas... But I had to give it a shot.
Great story Leslie, Here's a few more stanzas for your poem:
ReplyDelete"The moon on the butt and the new fallen snow
Gave a luster of midday to riders onboard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature dick and and a tiny white rear.
... And then in a twinkling I heard on the bus
The gasping and gawking by each at his butt.
As I dropped my jaw and was turning around,
Down the aisle Mr. Bare Butt came with a bound.
He was dressed in a jacket from his head to his waist,
And his pants were all missing. Really bad taste.
His eyes how they twinkled! Butt dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, if roses were hairy!
He was skinny, not plump- not a jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A check from the driver was a twist of his fate,
Soon gave me to know that my photo shouldn't wait.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his seat,
And sat his bare bottom right on the seat.
And 'splaying his ass on the bus as we rode,
When the driver gave nod, up the aisle he strode.
If he sprang on this day, not one gave a whistle,
And away he departed, left me with this epistle.
But I heard him exclaim as we drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!"
Oh man.... That is AWESOME!!!!!!
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