Will this be for delivery or take out?

I often find myself asking what I must've done in a previous life to have these things happen to me. Mainly I ask myself this question after a day of commuting. I could start a list of the weird shit that has happened to me on the bus, but that'd take all night. As a matter of fact, I'll take a night here soon and do a highlight blooper reel.

About two weeks ago I was on my usual bus and was shooting shit with the bus driver. Another regular and I were giving him a hard time, which came back to bite me in the butt.

Karma.

Two men sat down in the seat in front of me, which is the first set of seats on the bus and are faced toward the middle of the bus. I sit on the first set of seat that faces the front of the bus. So these seats sort of make an L shape. Anyway, they're sitting next to me & began signing. Both men were deaf and one of them moved to sit next to me so they could face each other more and make it more convenient to sign to each other. Let me just tell you it is just as distracting to have an audio conversation over you, as it is to have a signing conversation over you. I could NOT pay attention to what I was doing.

My bus driver was wiggling his eyebrows & laughing at me in his rear view mirror. The next stop is where another regular gets on, who happens to be blind. And every time he gets on the bus, the driver has to call out "Second seat on the left." Well, the seat he is directing him to is between the two deaf men and myself. Obviously they couldn't hear the driver directing him and obviously the blind man didn't know the men were deaf. So I stood up to grab the blind man's arm and pull him toward his seat.

It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke: a woman, two deaf men and a blind man get on a bus....

Well. Jokes on me. The deaf man seated to my left was doing the most outrageous throat scratching cough I've ever heard. He was also burping and BLOWING his burp toward me. I mean come on. At least blow it toward the aisle instead in the poor girls face who is seated against the window!

When I got off the bus, my driver said "That's what you get for giving me a hard time!!"

Karma.

Flash forward to a week later. Get on the same old bus with my same old driver and were joking around the same way.

Karma.

A woman I have actually blogged about before gets on the bus and decides to sit next to me. Or more like ON me. If a passenger has a disability of some sort or has a walker or stroller, they lower the bus. This woman is so largely overweight, he has to lower the bus to let her on. I don't want to sound rude, but there's no other way to say it and there isn't a nice way to sugarcoat it. But she is so fat. She took up so much room that I couldn't even hold my book up to read with both hands. Couldn't get anything out of my pockets (like my phone). I was smushed up against the window, while she reclined her chair back because she couldn't even fit in the space in front of her. She literally took up 3/4 the of our set of seats.

Not exactly the most comfortable ride home. But since I observe the bussing community, I knew I had it coming. If someone gets on the bus and there are very few seats left, you find the one with the most room, which happens to be me for the large woman. And I'm just as guilty because when I am running late, I will get on the bus because I know my chances are going to be pretty good in finding a sliver of a seat open next to a larger person. It sucks to be left with no room, but since I never grew out of my childhood size, I can fit into small spaces.

As I am writing this, the man who is sitting next to me is eating a slice of pizza the size of my head. Yeah, there's a good old no food on the bus rule. Along with the no open container rule.

Speaking of pizza. It was Friday night and I knew I wouldn't have time to make anything since we were expecting company at the house, so I decided to order a pizza.

I attempted at ordering online, but I didn't know what kind of crust it was on the coupon I found. And I wasn't about to get some thin crust, I wanted the thick yummy kind. So, I decided to just call and order it to pick up. I googled the Dominos on Bridgeport, pushed the convenient "call," button that comes up, and ordered my pizza. Immediately after, I called my mom. As the phone was ringing, I noticed an odd number in my outgoing calls list. I put my mom on speaker phone while I looked at my call log. I started laughing. Started laughing really hard.

"Hey bugs, what's so funny?"

"Oh no, I think I just ordered pizza from the wrong place."

"What do you mean the wrong place? The wrong store?"

"Um, well I googled Dominos on Bridgeport and called to order. But I just looked at my phone and I ordered a pizza from Dominos in Bridgeport, Connecticut....."

".......Mom Laughing........"

"I didn't even know there was a Bridgeport, CT."

"Still laughing.... Honey, Steve (her husband) was BORN in Bridgeport, CT. ....Laughing.... So is it being delivered?"

"Uh no, not from Connecticut, no I don't think so haha. I ordered it to pick it up and I haven't paid for it yet."

"Well you better call them and tell them!"

"No way! I'm way too embarrassed, what will I say, sorry I ordered the pizza but I live in Washington State?"

Well, I didn't call them back, but they sure did call ME back.

This afternoon I got on the bus and started telling my commuter friend what I did. She and the bus driver were laughing so hard they couldn't talk. And my bus driver said "Oh my gosh, thank you. That is the best story I have heard all year. That's the best story I WILL hear all year."