OMG I hope she doesn't have a gun!

I went to Target tonight to buy a new book because I just finished the raunchy 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and have been bored out of my mind on the bus. I started packing my headphones to at least listen to music to help pass the time. Well, yesterday I had my music turned up pretty loud because I had it on my favorite playlist, so I was zoned out but apparently I didn't have my music turned up loud enough to miss what happened next...

I was sitting in a side-facing seat on the bus with my back to the bus stops when I hear LOUD and clear a woman yelling "GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER HERE!!!!" It turns out there was a woman who was just a few seconds too late to get on the bus. I was shocked when the bus driver stopped and opened up the door... NO one stops to let ANYONE on even a second after the drive off, so why would they when it's a woman yelling at you? Well, let's just say the driver pulled a fast one on her like in this scene right here..... But she pulled this stunt TWICE on the woman....



I have been DYING trying to think of what movie this scene happened in... so when I finally found it, it was even funnier than I remembered. But this was a much more pleasant scene than the one on the bus yesterday. It was more of a scene from one of the Madea's Family Reunion movies, where these two women were full of SASS and ATTITUDE! The woman starts making her way to the back of the bus because at this point it was standing room only. A young man got up to give the woman her seat, but not before she smacked everyone down the aisle with her big butt and oversized bags.

Everyone was snickering because the bus driver pulled a fast one on the woman and then purposefully drove horribly the whole way home in spite of the woman. Again, I was sitting on one of the side facing seats, so when the driver decided she'd rattle everyone and slam on the brakes, I went flying into the lap of the woman next to me. Since I had my headphones on I didn't realize how loud I was talking. I very loudly said "Oh SHIT I'm so sorry... I think she's driving like this on purpose to piss that lady off." And everyone sitting around me was laughing in agreement.

The bus driver did this a few more times and I got a serious case of the giggles. My mom had called me during the madness and I wished so badly I could tell her what was happening but I didn't want to get my ass kicked. So I text her 3 very long text messages explaining the hilarious situation and what she text back to me made me laugh out loud AGAIN, loud enough to hear how obnoxious I was OVER my loud music.

She simply wrote back, "OMG I hope she doens't have a gun!!"

And I wrote back, "Trust me, if she had a gun, she would've used it by now."

Sleep studies and Traffic and Tow trucks... Oh My!

I have been looking forward to this day for almost two months now. I FINALLY had my sleep study consult! I knew I wouldn't get any answers at the consultation, but was excited to be one step closer to (hopefully) finding out what is wrong with me! My appointment was at 8:30, which means I got to sleep in until 7 AM!!! Funny, sleeping in before your sleep study appointment. Well, I was up at 6:30 but I forced myself back to sleep for as long as I could.

I got to my appointment and filled out the bizarre and not so bizarre questions for the nurse before the sleep specialist came in. Some of these questions were like:

On a scale from 0-Never to 5-Very Likely, please rate how you feel in these scenarios:

1. Fall asleep while sitting in the passenger seat of the car for over an hour
2. Watching tv
3. Driving a car
4. Having a conversation

You get the point...

Oh... and they also measured my neck... apparently that's part of the tests for sleep apnea.

Well, the doctor came in and he's German, VERY German. I had a hard time understanding him throughout the appointment. He kept saying "uh huh, yes, ok." But I wasn't even saying anything to him, but that's how he would respond after each comment he made. He said he would send my referral to Seattle for the sleep study, then proceeded to tell me he wants me to do TWO sleep studies and that I will be there for 20 HOURS STRAIGHT. He said I have a lot of symptoms of narcolepsy, which, ever since I saw the movie Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo, I've known it was a sleep disorder where people just fall asleep out of nowhere. He said that is the main symptom of narcolepsy that I am missing. He also mentioned checking for epilepsy. Now, because of his STRONG GERMAN accent, I needed some clarification and said "Excuse me, did you say epilepsy? (Insert panic mode here)" He said "uh huh, yes, ok." And I said "Okay... and did you say narcolepsy?" He said "uh huh, yes, ok."


I made my appointments to get my studies done in Seattle on July 10th-11th. I have to check in at 7:30 PM on the 10th and get all hooked up to the machines. They glue electrodes to my head/hair, face, chin, legs, and I am to wear a belt around my waist and chest. They also said they may hook me up to the sleep apnea mask at some point in the night. While they are describing all of these devices I am wondering how the HELL am I going to sleep at all? They said they will wake me up between 5AM-7AM and unhook the belts, but keep the electrodes on for the following day. I am supposed to be there until 5 PM. He said they will have me nap every 2 hours, for 20 minutes at a time. I initially thought, how am I supposed to nap all day long? But then I thought... there is NO way I'll get any sleep the night of the study because I will be hooked up to everything, so I'm sure I will appreciate the napping. They said to wear cozy clothes for the day study because I will be sitting there all day long by myself. They have a dvd player and wifi, so it sounds like I will be having a very lazy sleep study day.

A lazy sleep study day sounds quite nice after my afternoon experience today. I kept reminding myself all day DON'T FORGET YOU DROVE TODAY. I could just see myself getting on the bus to go home and getting to the parking garage just to not find my car. Well, today I walked to the street where I parked and there was no car. I walked up and down the street a few times before I called my mom.

Hey mom...

How's it going honey?

Not so good, my car isn't here.

Um like it got stolen? Or towed?

I'm not sure... I paid for parking in a 10 hour spot, I should've been fine...

Well, turns out the spot I parked in is fine UNTIL 3PM-7PM... oh you mean I missed the sign that was placed up the street a block from the 10 Hour parking sign and payment stand? After figuring out where my car was oh so NOT conveniently towed, I ask for the address. The man at the towing company told me it was about half a mile from my work.... Oh and by half a mile you mean 2 and a half? Right...

After arguing with my mom on who will pay the impound fee, I finally won and told her it was my own fault and that I was paying for it. I walk to the bus stop, hop on, get off and walk around for about half an hour trying to find the, again, NOT convenient location of the towing company. I finally get there, pay the $125 fee, get my $47 ticket and I'm on my way. I leave just in time to be stuck in the 6 o'clock traffic starting up at UW and finally ending back home 2 and a half hours after I got off work.

I'm surprised at how calm I stayed THE WHOLE TIME... I almost cried for a split second... but really I was just ROYALLY pissed off and in a rotton mood. I get home and text my mom saying I'm going for a run to blow off some steam, since I missed my hot yoga class. My sister text me to say sorry about the car situation and that my mom paid for the impound fee, so hopefully I didn't get charged, too.

Well, guess what? They charged me. Never mentioned my mom giving them her information to pay for it. They will be getting a phone call tomorrow morning from my sweet sweet mom who still tried to go and pay for my fee without me knowing... who hopefully wont be so sweet if indeed they double charged us.

Have never been more excited to take the bus to work tomorrow morning.

Instant Gratification

I have seen this picture floating around pinterest lately and it struck a chord with me. It's a picture of an elderly couple with this quote on it "When asked how they managed to stay together for 65 years, the woman replied "We were born in a time where if something broke, you fixed it.... you didn't throw it away." I got to thinking about our generation again and have been wondering what happened to make it okay to just give up. And it's not just the gen-y-ers, but also the gen-x-ers and the baby boomers.

Most of my friends' parents are still married. In high school when my parents split up, I only had ONE close friend who's parents had been divorced. That was, and still is a rarity. Even out of my college friends, almost all of their parents are still together. However, statistics show otherwise. If you think of our grandparents' generation, they married young and stayed together forever. Sure, we're living longer, but we're also getting married later (if at all), but the divorce rates are still uncomfortably high.

The best advice I have been given about marriage is that if you are married for 40 years, you might have 10 bad years.... it may not be consecutive, but that means you have 30 good years. So many people say they were just "unhappy," in their marriage or relationship and that's why they called it quits. But I can guarantee you that you have been "unhappy," in your life before you were ever married...did you just quit yourself then, too?

We are so obsessed with having instant gratification. In the winter we get pale...which, is normal... but we want to look better and be as tan as we are in the summer... not normal. I used to go tanning, but haven't for about 4 years. It took the combination of seeing my mom's skin cancer spots after they had been treated and realizing I would rather be pale now and have beautiful skin later. We're all scared of aging and looking old... so people get botox to make them look younger and be wrinkle free. Well, turns out, there are studies that are linking botox to BRAIN TUMORS. Is that going to stop people? Probably not, because even though going in a tanning booth CAN GIVE YOU CANCER, people still do it. Just like smoking cigarettes CAN GIVE YOU CANCER, people still smoke them. Texting while driving? CAN KILL YOU or SOMEONE ELSE, but we want to send that dumb text message so badly that we can't wait until we're out of the car?

It's like we have all forgotten our lessons on patience. Good things come to those who wait. We need not to rush things, for good things take TIME. Everyone asks why I'm single and it takes every ounce of me to not ask them why are they being annoying? It's not like I know why... well I do. I'm picky. And I'm picky because if I am going to spend the REST of my life with someone... they're gonna have to be something spectacular.

The Game of Life

What.A.Week. Lost a friend, gained a niece, reconnected with old friends.

Good news first....I received a phone call from my sister at 2:45 AM on Friday morning, just under 3 hours after her official due date. I was a bit dazed and confused, but quickly drove down to Olympia at 3 in the morning to take over on Gracie duty. Little miss Lyla arrived around 11:30 and she is absolutely PERFECT. Lyla is pretty much a clone of her big sister, but already have completely different temperments. I couldn't be more proud to be an auntie...twice!!

In the last week, I have reconnected with many people I have lost touch with over the years. One week ago today, I got a text message from a friend asking me if I heard our friend Johnie passed away. I immediately responded saying "what." As if she told me and I misheard her, instead, I read her text and misheard her. I was immediately filled with anxiety and confusion. There is no way this can be true. It has to be a mistake. I get on the internet and am reading article after article, all saying the same thing. No one knows what happened. Every article mentioned how Johnie scored the game winning touchdown in his game Saturday night, but found dead on Monday night. If this weren't the Johnie I knew, I would have immediately jumped to conclusions and made all of these accusations of how the whole situation unfolded. But not our Johnie. He was the goofiest, most loving gentle giant.

I'll never forget the first time I met Johnie. One of my best guy friends in high school was heading to UW to play football and he was matched up with his roommate, another football player, who played the same position as my friend Luke. Now, Luke was our "big man on campus," all 6 foot (...maybe...) of him. So when I hear Luke was paired with a player who played the same position, I expected someone somewhat similar. In walks Johnie, who has a good 4 inches on Luke, and a good 50-60 pounds on him. Being so small, Luke was always big to me... so Johnie was like a GIANT to me. But I quickly learned that Johnie was just a big ole teddy bear. Over the 4 years of college, Johnie lived with my high school friends off and on and I got to know him much better than I had expected. During the off-season, the boys would come out to visit at Central and stay the weekend. I do love my guy friends, but boy did they know how to drive me CRAZY.

The day I found out about Johnie, I kept trying to picture his big goofy smile and his replay his giggle over and over again. Nothing could break my sad mood, until I thought of a story I had forgotten about until last Tuesday. After a long weekend of binge drinking (At Central of course), we decided to drive to Yakima to go to the mall. Since I was the only one who woke up sober, I decided I would drive. And since Johnie was by far the biggest, he sat in the front. Tired of being elbowed and talked over and hearing the most inappropriate things, I think Johnie could pick up the fact that I was quickly getting annoyed of my favorite guys. He then starts going through my glove comparments and put on random pieces of jewelry and sunglasses. I gave him a half smile for his effort to make me laugh. Down the windy eastern Washington roads I go, and see out of the corner of my eye, Johnie flying something out of my sunroof. I glance over to see that he had found a box of tampons and opened them up and was flying them out the sunroof like kites. The boys were crying from laughing so hard, while I finally gave in and started laughing uncontrollably.

Johnie was a goof, a fantastic football player, a loving dad of a beautiful daughter, a great friend, and real genuine guy. Anyone that knew him will forever remember him for his shining smile and positive spirit. Johnie is now undoubtedly a shining guardian angel to the parents, sisters, daughter, and friends he left behind.

It shouldn't take these kinds of tragedies to remind us of the important things and people in our lives. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to make a change, make a change. If you're unhappy, BE HAPPY.

Life is too short. Play your cards right.

Jersey Shore Truck Driver vs 9 Month Pregnant Mom & Little Sister

I know I have mentioned this before, but my sister is about to have her second child, miss Lyla Townes. She is due next week and I can't wait. With her first pregnancy, the 9 months consisted of us reading blogs about funny kid stories, learning what size the baby is each week that goes by, what we think she will look like and what to expect. This oddly enough was just as fun for me as it was for her. I am the biggest lover of kids and it tends to weird people out. If you look at my facebook pictures or my 1,600 pictures on my phone... 90% are of kids. And since I am not anywhere near having kids, I take my job as "auntie," very seriously :)

My sister is probably the funniest person I've ever met. And by funny, I mean funny in the most untraditional way. She is very sarcastic, dry, obvious and oblivious. I don't think she has any idea how funny she is.

Ever since Gracie Bay came into the world, all of our lives have gotten a whole lot crazier. Gone are the days of Sheelah and I laying on the couch watching endless episodes of Grey's Anatomy, Project Runway, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, or anything else on E! or Bravo. And since Gracie has inherited my sleeping disorder, her one nap a day, if we're lucky, is an hour. So now we take our once was, lazy tv watching butts, on outings to Target and Costco.

I don't know about you, but when I think of Costco on a Sunday morning, I think of families and elderly people filling the parking lot and taking up every open space in the aisles. Right when we pulled in the parking lot, we were amazed at how empty (for Costco) the parking lot was. We drove around looking for a close parking spot, because, well.... my sister is 9 months pregnant. As I'm unloading Gracie out of the carseat, I hear Sheelah's sarcastic tone, but can't hear what she is actually saying. I rounded the corner of the van and she is pointing to the biggest/lifted ugly truck either of us has ever seen and said "I literally couldn't get in that truck even if I wanted to." We mosey on into Costco and are in and out in record time. We load up the car and I started looking for Gracie's MUST HAVE car toy, but can't seem to find it anywhere.

All of the sudden I hear a man's voice and see my sister's famous, deadly eye roll. She opened the door of the van and said "No, you're not being patient, you just said 'fu***** and Jesus in the same sentence as patient." Then I hear him say 'fu***** bit**."

She quickly responds saying "I'm 9 months pregnant, I have a baby in the car, and we're looking for something, just move around us."

He finally gives in and starts unloading his groceries after calling her a "fu***** bit**," just one more time. This jackass, who by the way, looked like he drove straight to Costco from Jersey Shore, had to of course BACK his truck up into the parking spot. A very impractical way to park your car, while unloading costco size groceries.

I nervously looked at Sheelah, shrugged my shoulders and said I couldn't find Gracie's toy. She sighed and said just get in the car. But I had to get one quick word in and yelled over the car some sort of shenanigans about him having small man syndrome with his big ugly truck.

We started driving away and burst into laughter at the image of a 9 month pregnant- minivan driving sassy mom with her little sister yelling at a Jersey Shore GTL ugly truck driving jerk! All the while miss Gracie is patiently sitting in her carseat watching it all unfold.

It may have been a low point for us, but we agreed that our Mom or Granny would have done much worse :)

My Little White China Doll

Yesterday when I got on the bus I was looking forward to reading my insanely sappy love story book, but everyone on the bus wouldn't shut up about how we're on a new bus, which no one has been on. Being oblivious to the design of the bus, I don't notice the lack of seating. Apparently this bus only seats 35 people, which for a 4:30 bus from Seattle to Tacoma, may as well be like a high school having one school bus for all 4,000 students. Anywho, the bus is quickly filling up when I hear a man talking loud enough for the people on the bus next to us to hear. I assume he is on his phone because as weird as the bus riders may be, they normally have the decency to talk quietly on the bus. Well, turns out it was a crazy Asian man talking a bunch of nonsense. He starts making his way toward the front of the bus to ask the driver something. He passes a nice looking woman yelling "ooooooh weeeeeee!!!" and a decent man quickly gives up his seat to her to avoid the wacko. The closer he got, the harder my heart pounded because I could see he had eyes for me. I nervously looked down at my book to avoid any interaction but since he was still talking loud enough for the whole city of Seattle to hear, I couldn't escape. He began telling me very loudly, that I was the white china doll he wished for from the magic genie he met last night. At this point he is standing DIRECTLY in front of me, leaning on a pole and sizing me up, while talking about his little white China doll. I was anxiously looking at anyone who would make eye contact with me to try to lure them into helping me. Not one person. They all were just staring at me with the most confused and blank stares. At this point I am in full hysterics, laughing uncontrollably, sweating, and crying from laughing so hard. He then switches gears telling me how I look like his granddaughter Emily, then asking me my name and saying how I "done grown up and got me a job." FINAlLY he gets off the bus announcing he needs to find his black queen. The second he got off the bus, EVERYONE erupted into laughter and asking me why I didn't want to tell him my name. Needless to say, I'll be buying some mase this weekend.

Sincerely,

Your Little White China Doll

Insomnia Meltdown

Hello hello! It has been a while, sorry for those of you who I know have just been sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for my next post.... haha just kidding :)


Well, I started my new job at Fred.Hutch and it's been going great! I have been learning a lot, but also I have been doing a lot of mindless tasks in the mix. Part of my job is getting the participant's packets ready for the research study and a large part of my job is to enter the data when it is returned. The data I enter is HILARIOUS. The women (72+ years old) are to keep a sleep log, while wearing an pedometer type device (accelerometer), to track their activity. If they are to take it off at any point, they need to write down the time and explain why. A normal example would be "7AM-8AM for bathing." But these women LOVE to write every single detail of thier day like "Stayed up late watching the game!" Or "Drove 150 miles to see family, then drove 75 miles here, and 45 miles here. Then I walked a lot and volunteered." And starting tomorrow, I am to call the participants to remind them to return their logs and check in on how they're doing. I see a lot of very long conversations in my near future.


I haven't really had any wild bus experiences lately, which can only mean one must be coming soon. I have been reading a lot and also trying to catch some sleep. Sleep has been a huge issue lately.... and by lately... I mean the last 3 years. Now that I have benefits, I set up a bunch of doctor appointments. I went to see a specialist yesterday about my sleep problems and she asked me a variety of questions. When she asked how long it's been going on, I was embarassed to tell her it had been years, and when she asked how many times I wake up every night, I was embarassed to tell her 2, 3, 4 times a night. I explained to her how I've tried taking natural sleeping aids, warm milk with nutmeg, turning the clock the other way, etc. Exercise also doesn't effect my sleep. Blah blah, so she asks "Have you been feeling anxious or depressed?" I quickly replied, I have felt both of those before (I mean let's be honest, who HASN'T felt depressed or anxious?), but definitely not at this stage of my life. And she said "Well, people with anxiety have a hard time falling asleep, while people with depression have a hard time staying asleep. So, we will have you fill out a questionnaire to check. Have you ever done counseling?"


If I could have prevented what happened next, I would have, but now it makes me laugh. I looked at the specialist and burst into tears. She was trying to console me and I said "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm really not depressed or anxious... I swear. And now you think I'm even more crazy or depressed because I just burst into tears out of nowhere. But I swear I'm not. I'm just tired of being tired." And the more I tried to explain how NOT depressed I was, the more it made me sound depressed.


Does she think I'm depressed or anxious? Maybe. A hot mess? Definitely. Am I depressed? No. She offered me ambien and explained that people tend to eat and drive and have no recollection of it. After I explained to her that I already have been known to sleep walk and sleep talk, I should probably pass on the ambien. But, she referred me to get a sleep study done. I called today to get it scheduled and I don't even have my consultation until the 19th of JUNE!!! I said "A month and a half is a long time to figure out why you can't sleep, but who am I kidding? I haven't been sleeping for 3 years." Unfortunately, not having normal sleep has become normal to me. But HOPEFULLY things will be changing very soon!