Hello hello! It has been a while, sorry for those of you who I know have just been sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for my next post.... haha just kidding :)
Well, I started my new job at Fred.Hutch and it's been going great! I have been learning a lot, but also I have been doing a lot of mindless tasks in the mix. Part of my job is getting the participant's packets ready for the research study and a large part of my job is to enter the data when it is returned. The data I enter is HILARIOUS. The women (72+ years old) are to keep a sleep log, while wearing an pedometer type device (accelerometer), to track their activity. If they are to take it off at any point, they need to write down the time and explain why. A normal example would be "7AM-8AM for bathing." But these women LOVE to write every single detail of thier day like "Stayed up late watching the game!" Or "Drove 150 miles to see family, then drove 75 miles here, and 45 miles here. Then I walked a lot and volunteered." And starting tomorrow, I am to call the participants to remind them to return their logs and check in on how they're doing. I see a lot of very long conversations in my near future.
I haven't really had any wild bus experiences lately, which can only mean one must be coming soon. I have been reading a lot and also trying to catch some sleep. Sleep has been a huge issue lately.... and by lately... I mean the last 3 years. Now that I have benefits, I set up a bunch of doctor appointments. I went to see a specialist yesterday about my sleep problems and she asked me a variety of questions. When she asked how long it's been going on, I was embarassed to tell her it had been years, and when she asked how many times I wake up every night, I was embarassed to tell her 2, 3, 4 times a night. I explained to her how I've tried taking natural sleeping aids, warm milk with nutmeg, turning the clock the other way, etc. Exercise also doesn't effect my sleep. Blah blah, so she asks "Have you been feeling anxious or depressed?" I quickly replied, I have felt both of those before (I mean let's be honest, who HASN'T felt depressed or anxious?), but definitely not at this stage of my life. And she said "Well, people with anxiety have a hard time falling asleep, while people with depression have a hard time staying asleep. So, we will have you fill out a questionnaire to check. Have you ever done counseling?"
If I could have prevented what happened next, I would have, but now it makes me laugh. I looked at the specialist and burst into tears. She was trying to console me and I said "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm really not depressed or anxious... I swear. And now you think I'm even more crazy or depressed because I just burst into tears out of nowhere. But I swear I'm not. I'm just tired of being tired." And the more I tried to explain how NOT depressed I was, the more it made me sound depressed.
Does she think I'm depressed or anxious? Maybe. A hot mess? Definitely. Am I depressed? No. She offered me ambien and explained that people tend to eat and drive and have no recollection of it. After I explained to her that I already have been known to sleep walk and sleep talk, I should probably pass on the ambien. But, she referred me to get a sleep study done. I called today to get it scheduled and I don't even have my consultation until the 19th of JUNE!!! I said "A month and a half is a long time to figure out why you can't sleep, but who am I kidding? I haven't been sleeping for 3 years." Unfortunately, not having normal sleep has become normal to me. But HOPEFULLY things will be changing very soon!
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